


First Kiss

by Sakurafox666



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Smut, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-04
Updated: 2011-01-04
Packaged: 2017-12-08 03:18:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/756407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sakurafox666/pseuds/Sakurafox666
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean realizes he has explain to Castiel what makes a first kiss so special. Set after "Caged Heat".</p>
            </blockquote>





	First Kiss

* * *

Dean sat alone in a tiny motel room in a city he had forgotten the name of. This seemed to be becoming a bit of a habit recently and he wasn't sure how he felt about it.

He and Sam (or Robo-Sam, as he privately referred to the man who was  _not_  his brother) had apparently come to some sort silent agreement that when a hunt was done Dean would get a room to sleep and Sam would disappear for the rest of the night, doing only God knows what. Screw it, maybe not even God knows. And to top it all off they'd found out that Sam's soul was probably damaged beyond repair down there in the Cage even if they did find some way to put it back in his body.

On the plus side, Crowley was now gone. Dean counted that as a major win in his book. He'd hated working for that dick. King of Hell be damned. And Cas had looked pretty badass as he'd taken the demon out with friggin' fire. Dean had said it before and he'd say it again: DON'T PISS OFF THE NERD ANGEL.

A chuckle escaped the hunter as he took another swig from the whiskey bottle he had purchased from the Quickie-Mart down the street. This whole day had just been off and as far as Dean knew this was a scientifically proven method to relieve stress. Well, besides sex, but Dean hadn't been in the mood lately.

At first it had been because of Lisa, like hell he would ever think about being unfaithful to her. She had been everything he'd needed when he had come to her doorstep a broken man. He loved her. Even now, although she had broken it off (and the self-loathing part of him said he deserved it) he still loved her, and probably always would. But he wasn't  _in_  love with her.

Now that they were over, Dean could technically go out and have fun with whoever the hell he wanted, just like old times. But he couldn't. As Famine had once said, he had no appetite. He wasn't worried like he had been last time. Dean realized that until he truly got his baby brother back, everything else came second, including sex and even...pie.

Man, his mind was such a jumble right now. Jumping all over the place. Or maybe it was just the alcohol.

Feeling there wasn't much else to do Dean flipped on the crappy little TV in the room to see what was on, maybe he could catch some reruns of  _Dr. Sexy MD_. God, he loved Dr. Sexy, he was just...so sexy. And wasn't that his most gay thought of the day.

"Cooking channel, sports, news," Dean kept going through the channels. There had to be something interesting on, "late night comedy, more sports, porn—"

Ah porn. He used to always be able to go to it to de-stress. He'd tried it again last night just to see if it could still work but had been mildly disappointed as he'd just watched with vague interest. At least he'd gotten a kick out of seeing Cas watch it. Then getting a boner.

Well, that derailed Dean's thoughts quite nicely.

He pointedly ignored the blush that crept onto his face as the memories resurfaced. He's been too exasperated at the time to really think much on it, but now that he did, it probably had _not_ been a good idea to let Cas watch something like that. Not for any higher moral reasons but simply for the fact that Cas took things way too seriously. He always had and Dean knew that. Because if Cas saw something on TV he was damn well going to take it at face value, and thus watching porn had lead him to believe that if someone kisses you out of nowhere you slam them up against a wall and kiss them back. Even if you don't know them,  _even if they are a demon that you want to kill!_

And man, had Cas seemed to take what he'd watched to heart. Even Meg had looked surprised, and then a bit smug. Which had made Dean's blood boil for some reason. The guy probably didn't even know how to kiss properly! It's not like he'd ever done it before.

 _Wait_.

Dean's drunken mind screeched to a halt and he stood up abruptly. No way _. NO_. Meg had been Cas' first kiss. Dean was fairly certain that prostitute he'd taken Cas to that one time hadn't kissed him, they weren't into intimacy like that unless you paid them a lot more than he'd had on him at the time, which only left Meg and  _HELL NO!_

Maybe if Dean hadn't been drunk he could have properly analyzed what he was feeling at this moment. But he was, so he didn't.

"Cas!" he called out, unthinking. He just couldn't let this stand. He didn't know why, he just couldn't.

"Cas, I know you're in a war and you're fighting," Dean said and looked up at his ceiling, "but I also know you'd rather be here, you told me, so I know you're listening! Please, I need to talk to you." Maybe it was something in his words, or maybe Cas could sense his feelings behind them but all Dean knew was he heard the sound of wings flapping behind him and thought it was the best sound in the world.

"Hello Dean." Castiel's usual greeting. He looked slightly pissed, but Dean was beginning to realize that was his default face during this war.

"Cas!" he said a little too loudly as he spun around. The angel narrowed his eyes and looked down at the whiskey bottle.

"You've been drinking..." he seemed annoyed now, but not angry.

"No! Well, yes," Dean answered, "but that's not the point. I need to ask you a question and it's important that you answer." Castiel tilted his head slightly, looking more interested now.

"Of course." He responded seriously. Dean took a deep breath.

"Was Meg your first kiss?" Castiel didn't even blink.

"Yes."

Dammit, it was as he had thought.

"How did you feel about it?" Wait,  _what?_  Why had he asked that, it wasn't important. Except that it was.

Castiel looked as confused now as Dean's mind felt. He tilted his head more fully and stared at Dean like he was trying to understand. A look he hadn't received since the very first time they had met in that barn.

"What do you mean?" The angel asked. "Was I supposed to feel something?"

"Of  _course_  Cas, it was your first kiss." Even if it had been with a demon; the little slut. Next time Dean saw her, he'd kill her.

Castiel still looked like he didn't understand, "Then perhaps I did something wrong. What was I supposed to feel?"

"Well, it's different for everyone," Dean tried to explain, and Christ this conversation was ridiculous, but again Cas was taking it completely serious. Which was odd seeing as he'd bitch and complain if Dean brought him down to talk about Sam and where the heck his soul was but if they start talking about the intricacies of a first  _kiss,_  then he was hanging on to Dean's every work. Thankfully, Dean was just drunk enough not to care.

"Generally," he started again, "your first kiss is with someone you like and have feelings for."

"Feelings like?" Castiel pressed.

"Um, you care about them and for their well-being." Dean said, thinking back to his first crush Jenna Morison. Her long silky hair and her bright smile she'd give when she was really happy. He'd been so nervous at age 12, his hands sweating and his heart feeling like it was going to explode. And she had been so calm. "You think about them a lot and wonder how they are, you wish you were with them more, you enjoy their company more than others. That's who you usually have a first kiss with."

"And it's supposed to feel...good?" Castiel seemed to have difficulty coming to this conclusion and Dean sighed.

"Cas didn't you feel _anything_ when you kissed Meg? Like, y'know, didn't your body  _do_  anything?" And there his blush came back in full force, good thing the motel room was dark. Castiel had furrowed his brows and seemed to be in deep contemplation.

"Her lips were wet and soft," he said quietly and looked up at Dean, "and she kept trying to push her tongue against my mouth and move her head around. It was a bit difficult to keep our lips together, I had to use my arms to hold her still, is that what you meant?"

On one hand, Dean was quite happy Meg was such a crappy kisser. On the other hand, it sucked that Castiel's first kiss had been so horrible. First kisses were never supposed to be great technique-wise, but it was supposed to leave a lasting impression on you, of what innocence and pure love tasted like.

Dean couldn't help but sigh again, "No, that's not what it should be like but as I said, it's different for everyone." Castiel looked back down again and his shoulders suddenly slumped.

"Then I did it wrong." he said.

"Well, there's no 'real' right way to do it—"

"But I didn't realize how important this First Kiss was," Castiel said quickly and there was something desperate in his eyes, "I should have not been so careless, I should have chosen better! According to your traditions that abomination should  _not_  have been my First Kiss and now...I've—" he trailed off and looked stricken.

Dean was now thoroughly confused. He knew Castiel took these things at face value but this was something serious. He was acting as though he had made a terrible mistake and while, yes, kissing a demon probably wasn't the best, it's not like Castiel had broken someone else's heart. Although it had certainly given Dean a small heart attack when he'd seen Meg kiss Castiel and then the angel kiss back. Still, no permanent damage done.

"Cas, listen, its no big deal. Seriously dude." Dean tried. "We've all kissed a demon before, it happens. I've done it, Sam did more than that with Ruby, heck, Bobby kissed Crowley!" He laughed and tried to lighten the mood but Castiel looked even more pained.

"But it wasn't your First Kiss, right?"

"No, but it's ok. It's not like you have feelings for someone else and wish that they had been your first kiss now." Dean shrugged and tried to smile. "Right?"

Castiel, angel of the Lord, stared steadfastly at the floor.

"Holy shit." Was Dean's response. Castiel winced.

"I don't see what sacred value excrement holds—" he said automatically but Dean cut him off.

"Y-you do have feelings for someone!" Castiel gritted his teeth but would not meet Dean's gaze.

"I didn't realized— _if I had known_ , I wouldn't—" he was getting flustered and Dean had never seen the angel like this before.

"Hey, hey!" he said and grabbed Castiel's shoulder tightly, the angel's eyes immediately snapping up to his. He couldn't see them too well in the dark but he knew they were wide with confusion and pain, "Listen Cas, you don't have to tell this person they aren't your first kiss, not if it bothers you this much." He whispered, not sure why he had to but did so anyways. Castiel shook his head.

"I can't lie—"

"You don't have to, just don't say anything about it."

"No, Dean, I can't lie because they already know!" Dean blinked and let go of the angel.

"You-you told them?"

"No," Castiel looked down again, but not before Dean saw shame enter into his eyes as well, "they saw it happen."

_WHAT?_

"What!" Dean yelled. Who else had been there? It had just been the four of them at the time, him and Sam...oh God, it wasn't Sam was it? No, that was stupid, of course not. But-but it couldn't be him. Yes, Cas cared about his well being, he had to, Dean was his charge. He had to think about where Dean was so that he could keep track of him, which in turn lead Castiel to probably thinking about him a lot. "You-you said you wished you were here on Earth more often." Dean swallowed noisily but caught Castiel's slight flinch. "You enjoy my company more than other's..."

Castiel definitely looked nervous now. As nervous as he'd been in the whorehouse with Dean and that prostitute. Dean's right arm tingled where he knew Cas' handprint was and he touch it lightly.

"You care about me." He finished softly. And duh, he'd always known that Castiel had cared for him on some degree but he'd always just assumed it was duty-bound. Not based off of emotion. Not out of love.  _Love_.

Dean should feel weird about this. A guy loving him and all. But Castiel isn't a guy, he's an angel who just so happens to be in a guy's body, and if Dean were honest with himself it's not like Jimmy was bad to look at. Angels had no gender, their love wasn't limited like that...so why should Dean's? And yes, alcohol was definitely making this easier but as Cas had said once, he and Dean had always had an intense bond.

It was then that Dean had realized it had been silent for a few minutes. Castiel hadn't said anything while Dean had been having his revelation and it was clear to Dean why. The angel was terrified. In his eyes he had made a terrible mistake and believed he had missed out on something precious that he could never get back, and now the object of his desire knew about it too.

Well, Dean could not let that stand.

"Cas," he said as softly as possible. It didn't stop Castiel from jumping and looking at Dean with large, nervous eyes. He was like a puppy waiting to be kicked and dammit if that didn't tug on Dean's heartstrings just a little, "Cas, you said you wanted to know what you were supposed to feel?" It took what seemed an eternity before Castiel gave a shaky nod.

"Yes."

Dean dropped the whiskey bottle abruptly and walked straight up to the angel as quickly as he could and before his mind could actually do anything stupid, like _think_ , he brought one hand up to the angel's face and pressed his lips tentatively against Castiel's. It was chaste and simple and pure. And it felt right to give Castiel that. So Dean stood there, dry lips pressed softly to firm ones, and gave the purest kiss of his life.

Castiel, for his part, stood still and frozen in shock for a good three seconds before finally moving, and it wasn't anything like what the pizza man had done. Instead of fierce and dominate, which Dean knew for a fact he could be, the angel was hesitant and shaky. As if he was touching something precious. He found Dean precious.

And if that didn't make Dean Winchester's entire frickin' year.

They were slow, so slow. Dean didn't press any further, let Castiel decide what to do next. And after a few more seconds he felt the uncertain swipe of a tongue against his lips and slowly opened, letting Castiel fully explore without much hindrance except for when he ran his tongue along in angel's in encouragement and that's when Castiel moaned. Actually moaned, and it took all of Dean will power not to throw the other onto his bed and see how many different noises he could get the angel to make.

Instead he took one last step forward so that their chests were touching and moved his hand to the back of Castiel's head to get a better grip on the angel to deepen the kiss. Which he did, and it was awesome. Feeling the time was right Dean took a bit more control of the kiss and was delighted when Castiel let him, eagerly letting the hunter into his mouth and making the best keening sound ever when Dean ran his tongue along the roof of the angel's mouth.

They stayed like that for a long time, or what seemed like a long time, but unlike certain angels who didn't need air to live, Dean did and reluctantly broke the kiss, panting hard. He stepped back to give Castiel some room and took in his appearance. Hair mussed even more than normal, pupils blown out, lips swollen and red, looking completely bite-worthy.

What had Dean been thinking earlier about not being hungry for sex? Consider that problem fixed. Still, though, best to be safe.

"Cas?" Dean said and blue eyes locked onto his pale green. Cas was heaving too, even though he had no need to breath, and was clutching his chest. Dean figured Jimmy's heart had decided to run a marathon while they had been engaged. His felt similar.

" _Dean._ " And oh god could Castiel's voice get any deeper and rougher? That sound went straight through Dean and to a lower section of his body. "You were wrong." Castiel managed after another moment.

"What?" Dean panicked and started sweating.

"That felt far more than 'good'." Castiel smirked and of course  _now_  he'd suddenly develop a sense of humor but Dean grinned back. A real grin, something he hadn't done in too long.

"Well yeah, I was your first kiss." He said. Castiel's smirk fell and he look confused again but Dean beat him to it, his grin growing wider, "A true first kiss refers to the first time you kiss a crush, someone you truly like, not your first kiss in general. Otherwise nearly everyone's parents would be their "first kiss" and that's just too creepy to think about."

Castiel seemed to process that and while Dean knew he might not get everything said that hopefully the meaning of his message got through. He knew it had when Castiel gave him a real smile of him, which was beautiful the girly part of his mind told him and because Dean was in such a good mood he didn't slam it down like usual. Just matched Castiel's smile with his own and they grinned stupidly at each other.

"I understand Dean." Castiel finally said and touched his own lips softly, "Thank you."

" _Thank you_." Dean responded, and he meant it. He felt good, light... _happy_. He hadn't felt this way in years. He looked down quickly as his smile got shyer and that's when something else caught his eyes. His grin got mischievous and he glanced back up at Castiel's nonplus face, "And hey, looks like your body did do something  _this_  time."

First kiss, second boner. Dean's night just looked a whole lot better.

* * *

 


End file.
